Well, I suddenly got an urge to go auto-biographical on ya'll. Yes, I recognize this is the sort of 'note-like' garbage you usually get tagged for on facebook. But this is a blog which means tags are non-existent and no one will probably read it. For those who do: here is a small sampling of some of my more noteworthy and head-scratching quirks and idiosyncrasies. Enjoy.
Since my youth (4&up) I've had a perpetual fascination with maps. I really enjoy navigating for car trips and have spent countless hours buried in atlas and other geographic texts. Oh and I find a good sense of direction a definite turn-on.
When given the chance to walk somewhere I prefer it to any other means of transportation. In fact, I use to try to refuse rides from friend's parents in favor of walking. Also, I believe it's a superior way of getting to know someone. Specifically, I hold a walk in the snow to be ideally romantic-much more than one on the beach.
I very rarely go to bed at a time that isn't on the hour or half hour. On numerous instances I've stayed up an extra half hour rather than go to bed at a time in between.
I won't write a paper, regardless of topic, without music in the background. Not sure why it helps me focus but it does.
If it's after 12 pm I refuse to eat cereal for any reason.
On Port Authority buses I won't sit down next to a person I don't know. I stand even if open seats are available.
I like intelligent girls. This isn't those of the book smart, study hard, super serious variety. Well-read girls are a step above the rest. If you appreciate puns and sarcasm you're probably soul-mate material.
Trivia is one of my favorite things in the world. I consciously strive to continually pick up new facts and tidbits.
Almost every day I check the weather forecast. When snow, or some form of extreme weather, is forecasted I obsessively view every detail of the impending storm.
I refuse to pull an all-nighter for school, work, etc. But I will willingly stay up all night doing nothing just to do it.
If asked to make a decision for myself I can do it no problem. However, when asked to do it for another person or a group I am the most indecisive person you'll ever meet.
Before serious conversations take place, I diagram in my head what I'm going to say.
When I give compliments I truly mean them. You'll never hear me casually throw out compliments.
If explicitly asked a question, I'll answer honestly and candidly regardless of the nature of the material being asked about.
When I want to avoid giving an answer, or I'm nervous, I start talking in riddles. Also, usually my speech will get very cryptic.
I gravitate towards certain people, and give them extra attention. In every group of friends I have one person I trust and tell more to than the rest of the group.
My memory is excellent. When I say I don't forget I mean it.
Details are very important to me. I remember likes/dislikes, and when I repeat something you've told me not to before-I do it in jest.
I hold myself to a higher standard than I hold everyone else. Neither of these standards are truly attainable, because I recognize imperfection gets in the way.
Chocolate is one of the best substances known to man.
Finally, I like a good smile :)
Friday, January 15, 2010
Friday, January 8, 2010
A Life of Possibilities
Winter has been in session for a few weeks, but January always seems to be the defacto start. Usually January brings post-Christmas blues, useless/unkeepable resolutions, and a healthy dose of cold. However, January also produces, most years at least, a good snow or two. Snow is a burden for some and bliss for most between the ages of 2 and 18. But snow can be something far more than simply a powdery, white, fluffy substance. It can be a powerful and vivid metaphor for redemption.
I returned to Pittsburgh on Sunday to a decent amount of already fallen snow. Even more glaringly obvious was that an overabundance of salt had been used to attempt to rid university sidewalks, staircases, and roads of the white stuff. The snow was largely vacated from these surfaces, but the remaining salty remnants were everywhere. Any university building bore salty shoe/boot marks upon entering, which left white, chalky trails throughout the premises. I found these marks distracting and a stark reminder of the ugliness left behind by these snow melting/removal efforts. I wanted the salt to go, but I knew I was powerless to get rid of it. The only solution was to get more snow to cover the repulsive and pervasive salty mess. Fortunately on Tuesday the solution came.
Snow fell for the entire day. Glorious, pure, shining white snow. That night I knew I had to go for a walk to bask in majesty that is freshly falling snow. As I walked through Schenley Park, I was struck by the stark beauty of everything. No blemishes, no bare patches of grass, and nothing left untouched by the shimmering white powder. A new beginning for a new year. Then it hit me. Snow is metaphorically representative of redemption, and, speaking in terms of nature, literal as well. Don't see it, I'll break it down for you.
The salt is sin. It's everywhere, you can't get rid of it (the world says that's ok), and it leaves a hideous stain on everything it touches. We (humanity) are the sidewalks, stairs, and roads. Head to toe we are covered with the salt, and on our own we are powerless to remove it. We try to the best of our ability, but our efforts fall so far short and our entirely futile. In short, we need a solution. Enter the solution: snow, which is really Jesus Christ. Jesus provides the cleansing and removes the stain. Just like snow, Jesus covers every sin. No sin is too great or individual beyond redemption. In the song "Nothing but the Blood" the lyrics provide a direct link between the two: "Oh! precious is the flow, that makes me white as snow." Furthermore, like snow, Jesus provides a new beginning. What some might refer to as second life or being "born again." This is an existence free from the burden and oppression of sin. His death on the cross was the original 'Emancipation Proclamation,' and it intended to bring life and salvation to all who believed. 'A new beginning.' 2010 is as well.
Too often we forget this lesson, and the power of new beginnings that Jesus brings. 2010 is not an extension of 2009. 2009 produced both good and bad memories for me. The Steelers won the Super Bowl, I got closer to friends/others drifted away, 21 came and went, laughs were shared, hugs exchanged, some classes didn't turn out like I hoped, I got stuck working at the same job this summer I had last, and the list could go on. But the point is all these things are in the past. 2009 is over. I have a blank slate with 2010, and I need to see what God has in mind.
This year is a new beginning. I plan to work harder, play less, spend less, engage more (both activities and people), and a whole host of others. However, at the end of the day, I'm not the one who should be in control. The first new beginning, which shouldn't really be new, is that I need to put God in the driver's seat. In my relationships, my actions, and my life God should be #1. But things get in the way and make everything a mess, just like all that salt. Rationalization and justification replace love and faith. Yet, God never gives up on you even to the point when any, even the most reasonable, person would walk away. What is it like to love perfectly? I don't know because I am incapable of doing so. Only God is. Still, this year holds promise. Yes, it will be imperfect but that shouldn't discourage. Relationships can be healed, friends reconnected with, classes can improve, jobs can become more enjoyable, and most importantly God can be the central focus of your life. Don't take my word for it. Newly fallen snow is all the proof you need that redemption is real.
I returned to Pittsburgh on Sunday to a decent amount of already fallen snow. Even more glaringly obvious was that an overabundance of salt had been used to attempt to rid university sidewalks, staircases, and roads of the white stuff. The snow was largely vacated from these surfaces, but the remaining salty remnants were everywhere. Any university building bore salty shoe/boot marks upon entering, which left white, chalky trails throughout the premises. I found these marks distracting and a stark reminder of the ugliness left behind by these snow melting/removal efforts. I wanted the salt to go, but I knew I was powerless to get rid of it. The only solution was to get more snow to cover the repulsive and pervasive salty mess. Fortunately on Tuesday the solution came.
Snow fell for the entire day. Glorious, pure, shining white snow. That night I knew I had to go for a walk to bask in majesty that is freshly falling snow. As I walked through Schenley Park, I was struck by the stark beauty of everything. No blemishes, no bare patches of grass, and nothing left untouched by the shimmering white powder. A new beginning for a new year. Then it hit me. Snow is metaphorically representative of redemption, and, speaking in terms of nature, literal as well. Don't see it, I'll break it down for you.
The salt is sin. It's everywhere, you can't get rid of it (the world says that's ok), and it leaves a hideous stain on everything it touches. We (humanity) are the sidewalks, stairs, and roads. Head to toe we are covered with the salt, and on our own we are powerless to remove it. We try to the best of our ability, but our efforts fall so far short and our entirely futile. In short, we need a solution. Enter the solution: snow, which is really Jesus Christ. Jesus provides the cleansing and removes the stain. Just like snow, Jesus covers every sin. No sin is too great or individual beyond redemption. In the song "Nothing but the Blood" the lyrics provide a direct link between the two: "Oh! precious is the flow, that makes me white as snow." Furthermore, like snow, Jesus provides a new beginning. What some might refer to as second life or being "born again." This is an existence free from the burden and oppression of sin. His death on the cross was the original 'Emancipation Proclamation,' and it intended to bring life and salvation to all who believed. 'A new beginning.' 2010 is as well.
Too often we forget this lesson, and the power of new beginnings that Jesus brings. 2010 is not an extension of 2009. 2009 produced both good and bad memories for me. The Steelers won the Super Bowl, I got closer to friends/others drifted away, 21 came and went, laughs were shared, hugs exchanged, some classes didn't turn out like I hoped, I got stuck working at the same job this summer I had last, and the list could go on. But the point is all these things are in the past. 2009 is over. I have a blank slate with 2010, and I need to see what God has in mind.
This year is a new beginning. I plan to work harder, play less, spend less, engage more (both activities and people), and a whole host of others. However, at the end of the day, I'm not the one who should be in control. The first new beginning, which shouldn't really be new, is that I need to put God in the driver's seat. In my relationships, my actions, and my life God should be #1. But things get in the way and make everything a mess, just like all that salt. Rationalization and justification replace love and faith. Yet, God never gives up on you even to the point when any, even the most reasonable, person would walk away. What is it like to love perfectly? I don't know because I am incapable of doing so. Only God is. Still, this year holds promise. Yes, it will be imperfect but that shouldn't discourage. Relationships can be healed, friends reconnected with, classes can improve, jobs can become more enjoyable, and most importantly God can be the central focus of your life. Don't take my word for it. Newly fallen snow is all the proof you need that redemption is real.
Monday, December 28, 2009
'Cause everybody is doing it
It's been a long, long time. But I'm back and bloggin'.
Just about every publication (Rolling Stone to Time) has released their best of lists for the year and decade. Since I enjoy these lists: here are my picks for, first, the year and then the decade.
Best of 2009
*More than 10 could have made the last, but I chose to narrow it down
10.No Line On the Horizon-U2- I'm not Rolling Stone, so I don't hold U2 as automatic perfection. However, this was a reasonably good effort and an overall solid listen.
9.Horehound-The Dead Weather- Some things just feel wrong, Jack White on drums being one of them. Still, The Dead Weather crafted some great tunes on their debut. While at the same time offering up further proof that White is one of the most gifted modern day musicians.
8.Swoon-Silversun Pickups- If you haven't heard this band go pick up their first album Carnavas, then go grab Swoon. Both are excellent. Showcasing fuzzed out guitars this album harkens back to the glory days of The Smashing Pumpkins and other '90s standouts.
7.Humbug-The Arctic Monkeys- Although this disc is a little darker than previous material it may be their best. The Monkeys look to have a bright future ahead of them.
6.The Incident-Porcupine Tree-So I really got into prog last year, and Porcupine Tree is one of the best in the genre. This album doesn't disappoint, and follows 2007's thoroughly excellent Fear of a Blank Planet.
5.Picket Fence Cartel-Project 86- I love Project 86, and this album was very strong. The lyrics make you think, which is sometimes hard to come by in the 'hard rock/metal' genre.
4.Geneva-Russian Circles-If you check out one band, it should be Russian Circles. Instrumental metal at its finest.
3.Armistice-Mute Math- This one you can groove and sing to at the same time. Check it out if you haven't heard of them.
2.Hello Hurricane-Switchfoot- One of my favorite bands. EVER. Easily Switchfoot's best since The Beautiful Letdown, although personally I recommend New Way to Be Human. You get rock, ballads, and some fantastic lyrics all in the same package.
1.Crack the Skye-Mastodon-If you want your face blown off this one is for you. Crack the Skye sounds like thunder and shines like lightning. This album is heavy metal as it should be, HEAVY. The drumming is especially great throughout. Pick this up and be prepared to be blown away!
Best of the Decade (00-09)
*Chopped it down to 25
25.Hybrid Theory-Linkin Park (2000)- Go ahead and judge me for this one, but Linkin Park's debut still holds up 10 years later.
24.All That You Can't Leave Behind-U2 (2000)- I dare you to write a better song than Beautiful Day.
23.The Black Album-Jay-Z (2003)- Because I got 99 problems...
22.Lateralus-Tool (2001)- Dares to be beyond being 'genrefied.' Truly original.
21.Boxer-The National (2004)- Until someone writes something better than Mistaken for Strangers they belong on here.
20.Antics-Interpol (2004)- Do not play this to encourage, but please play it.
19.A Rush of Blood to the Head-Coldplay (2001)- Shut up! It'd be wrong not to have them on here.
18.Morning View-Incubus- (2001)- Give me a reason why not, and I'll give you ten why you're wrong.
17.Neon Bible-Arcade Fire (2007)- Yes, it's good. No, it doesn't deserve to be higher.
16.At War With the Mystics-The Flaming Lips (2006)- I like it better than Yoshimi. Deal with it!
15.By the Way-Red Hot Chili Peppers (2002)- Those I couldn't live without: start here.
14.We Were Dead Before The Ship Even Sank-Modest Mouse (2007)-Don't care that you like The Moon and Antarctica better.
13.In Rainbows-Radiohead (2008)- Probably should be higher, but I'm not going to do that just because it's Radiohead.
12.Sky Blue Sky-Wilco (2007)- Impossible Germany has one of the most amazing guitar solos. EVER.
11.The Beautiful Letdown-Switchfoot (2003)- Laugh all you want, but On Fire almost makes me cry every time.
10.Fever to Tell-Yeah Yeah Yeahs (2003)- Maps is an utterly beautiful song. How many songs are truly worthy of that honor?
9.Blood Mountain-Mastodon (2006)- The best drumming on any album in the 2000s. Hands down.
8.Hot Fuss-The Killers (2004)- Wanted to put it higher and it probably should be, but too many others in front of it.
7.Frances the Mute-The Mars Volta (2005)- If you like the electric guitar this is your album. I've never heard anything else like it.
6.Elephant-The White Stripes (2003)-In any other list this would easily be in the top 5. Jack White can do no wrong.
5.Yankee Hotel Foxtrot-Wilco (2002)- This is a cop-out by me, but it sounds as vibrant as it did when it first came out.
4.Change-The Dismemberment Plan (2001)- Time Bomb may be the best song written this decade. Do not let the name discourage you, they aren't a metal band, if you haven't heard them please go check them out. I can't recommend highly enough.
3.Kid A-Radiohead (2000)- Yes, this album is really depressing. No, it shouldn't be number 1. This was Radiohead's best this decade, but two album's beat it out for the top spot. Honestly, without Treefingers and Motion Picture Soundtrack, this was probably worthy of being numero uno.
2.Z-My Morning Jacket (2005)-It kills me not to make this number 1, and it was extremely, extremely close to grabbing the top spot. Z still is an excellent album. Pound for pound the first 5 songs probably beat anyone else on the list, except for the album ahead of it...
1.A Ghost is Born-Wilco (2004)-I don't understand why this doesn't get more praise. It SHOULD. Ghost beats out Z to grab the number 1 position. Don't get me wrong, there are mediocre songs on here. But the best on here beats the best the others have to offer. At Least That's What You Said is one of my favorite songs of all time, and is Jeff Tweedy's attempt to describe how a panic attack would sound. For that alone it should be 1.
Those who disagree voice your complaints. I'm all ears.
Just about every publication (Rolling Stone to Time) has released their best of lists for the year and decade. Since I enjoy these lists: here are my picks for, first, the year and then the decade.
Best of 2009
*More than 10 could have made the last, but I chose to narrow it down
10.No Line On the Horizon-U2- I'm not Rolling Stone, so I don't hold U2 as automatic perfection. However, this was a reasonably good effort and an overall solid listen.
9.Horehound-The Dead Weather- Some things just feel wrong, Jack White on drums being one of them. Still, The Dead Weather crafted some great tunes on their debut. While at the same time offering up further proof that White is one of the most gifted modern day musicians.
8.Swoon-Silversun Pickups- If you haven't heard this band go pick up their first album Carnavas, then go grab Swoon. Both are excellent. Showcasing fuzzed out guitars this album harkens back to the glory days of The Smashing Pumpkins and other '90s standouts.
7.Humbug-The Arctic Monkeys- Although this disc is a little darker than previous material it may be their best. The Monkeys look to have a bright future ahead of them.
6.The Incident-Porcupine Tree-So I really got into prog last year, and Porcupine Tree is one of the best in the genre. This album doesn't disappoint, and follows 2007's thoroughly excellent Fear of a Blank Planet.
5.Picket Fence Cartel-Project 86- I love Project 86, and this album was very strong. The lyrics make you think, which is sometimes hard to come by in the 'hard rock/metal' genre.
4.Geneva-Russian Circles-If you check out one band, it should be Russian Circles. Instrumental metal at its finest.
3.Armistice-Mute Math- This one you can groove and sing to at the same time. Check it out if you haven't heard of them.
2.Hello Hurricane-Switchfoot- One of my favorite bands. EVER. Easily Switchfoot's best since The Beautiful Letdown, although personally I recommend New Way to Be Human. You get rock, ballads, and some fantastic lyrics all in the same package.
1.Crack the Skye-Mastodon-If you want your face blown off this one is for you. Crack the Skye sounds like thunder and shines like lightning. This album is heavy metal as it should be, HEAVY. The drumming is especially great throughout. Pick this up and be prepared to be blown away!
Best of the Decade (00-09)
*Chopped it down to 25
25.Hybrid Theory-Linkin Park (2000)- Go ahead and judge me for this one, but Linkin Park's debut still holds up 10 years later.
24.All That You Can't Leave Behind-U2 (2000)- I dare you to write a better song than Beautiful Day.
23.The Black Album-Jay-Z (2003)- Because I got 99 problems...
22.Lateralus-Tool (2001)- Dares to be beyond being 'genrefied.' Truly original.
21.Boxer-The National (2004)- Until someone writes something better than Mistaken for Strangers they belong on here.
20.Antics-Interpol (2004)- Do not play this to encourage, but please play it.
19.A Rush of Blood to the Head-Coldplay (2001)- Shut up! It'd be wrong not to have them on here.
18.Morning View-Incubus- (2001)- Give me a reason why not, and I'll give you ten why you're wrong.
17.Neon Bible-Arcade Fire (2007)- Yes, it's good. No, it doesn't deserve to be higher.
16.At War With the Mystics-The Flaming Lips (2006)- I like it better than Yoshimi. Deal with it!
15.By the Way-Red Hot Chili Peppers (2002)- Those I couldn't live without: start here.
14.We Were Dead Before The Ship Even Sank-Modest Mouse (2007)-Don't care that you like The Moon and Antarctica better.
13.In Rainbows-Radiohead (2008)- Probably should be higher, but I'm not going to do that just because it's Radiohead.
12.Sky Blue Sky-Wilco (2007)- Impossible Germany has one of the most amazing guitar solos. EVER.
11.The Beautiful Letdown-Switchfoot (2003)- Laugh all you want, but On Fire almost makes me cry every time.
10.Fever to Tell-Yeah Yeah Yeahs (2003)- Maps is an utterly beautiful song. How many songs are truly worthy of that honor?
9.Blood Mountain-Mastodon (2006)- The best drumming on any album in the 2000s. Hands down.
8.Hot Fuss-The Killers (2004)- Wanted to put it higher and it probably should be, but too many others in front of it.
7.Frances the Mute-The Mars Volta (2005)- If you like the electric guitar this is your album. I've never heard anything else like it.
6.Elephant-The White Stripes (2003)-In any other list this would easily be in the top 5. Jack White can do no wrong.
5.Yankee Hotel Foxtrot-Wilco (2002)- This is a cop-out by me, but it sounds as vibrant as it did when it first came out.
4.Change-The Dismemberment Plan (2001)- Time Bomb may be the best song written this decade. Do not let the name discourage you, they aren't a metal band, if you haven't heard them please go check them out. I can't recommend highly enough.
3.Kid A-Radiohead (2000)- Yes, this album is really depressing. No, it shouldn't be number 1. This was Radiohead's best this decade, but two album's beat it out for the top spot. Honestly, without Treefingers and Motion Picture Soundtrack, this was probably worthy of being numero uno.
2.Z-My Morning Jacket (2005)-It kills me not to make this number 1, and it was extremely, extremely close to grabbing the top spot. Z still is an excellent album. Pound for pound the first 5 songs probably beat anyone else on the list, except for the album ahead of it...
1.A Ghost is Born-Wilco (2004)-I don't understand why this doesn't get more praise. It SHOULD. Ghost beats out Z to grab the number 1 position. Don't get me wrong, there are mediocre songs on here. But the best on here beats the best the others have to offer. At Least That's What You Said is one of my favorite songs of all time, and is Jeff Tweedy's attempt to describe how a panic attack would sound. For that alone it should be 1.
Those who disagree voice your complaints. I'm all ears.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Two weeks notice
Not quite two weeks, but it's close enough. Obviously college has to end, and summer break is a welcome time off, still it all feels so boring. I love my family, friends, and being at home. However, I can't take the down time. I'm guessing that I'm not alone.
Summer is, held by most as, the greatest time of the year. The weather is superb, lots of awesome outdoor activities, and everybody is more relaxed than usual. Still, something is missing. College brings spontaneity that being at home usually doesn't. The freedom is missing, it's there to some degree but a house is a little different than a dorm. Parents have jobs and so do friends. Unfortunately, my summer job functions as a way to kill time/make some money for school. As a result, my days are occupied and the nights end early so I can get up the next day. I guess this is unavoidable, but it seems extremely monotonous and dull. Sure, classes become a predictable routine, but, at least, nights and weekends vary. However, when you live in a place with nothing to do almost everything has been done before. This leaves me home two weeks, and ready to get back to college. The only problem is the start of the semester is almost 4 months away. Part of the problem is that I want the freedom without the responsibility. I want to be able to do what I want, but not have to worry about paying bills, buying food, etc. It's a reality that doesn't exist. At college the freedom is there, but at home most of the responsibility is taken care of. So I'm thankful for the things my parents do at home, yet I wish that I could have the college freedom and excitement. Basically, I'd rather be in class than at a job. It'd be great if I could transport my friends and family to the college setting. I suppose it's pointless to talk about, still I do...
Maybe it's because I have trouble with change. I get comfortable, and then things end, change pace, get rearranged. It takes a while and then everything feels normal again. But some things are lost, which puzzles me when they're good. Why do meaningful people leave our lives? Not by death but by choice. Sometimes I think I just need to be patient...but when the phone isn't ringing, and is seems like it should be, I don't know what to think. People have to reach their own conclusions, and certain changes seem too difficult. Everyone is tired of being hurt, lied to, mistreated so they withdraw from the world. It's tough to penetrate the shell. Often ulterior motives seem to be the reason for the interest. So it's easier to maintain than to take a chance. Change can be terrifying, disappointing, and once and a while the greatest thing you can ask for. Can we exist to change for the better? I want to improve lives, including my own, not to drag people down. Past mistakes don't prevent change, but passing judgement does. If God can forgive so can we. I can be content, and learn to accept change. Appreciating the stillness is something I forget to do much of the time. The quiet passes me by as the noise drowns out my thoughts. Don't pull away, the change you need could be right around the corner. Sometimes it's a leap of faith, but God won't let you fall. And that will never change. My two weeks notice serves to show how I still come up short. Pampered and spoiled, I think I'll survive. I'll rejoice in the boring and savor it while I can.
Summer is, held by most as, the greatest time of the year. The weather is superb, lots of awesome outdoor activities, and everybody is more relaxed than usual. Still, something is missing. College brings spontaneity that being at home usually doesn't. The freedom is missing, it's there to some degree but a house is a little different than a dorm. Parents have jobs and so do friends. Unfortunately, my summer job functions as a way to kill time/make some money for school. As a result, my days are occupied and the nights end early so I can get up the next day. I guess this is unavoidable, but it seems extremely monotonous and dull. Sure, classes become a predictable routine, but, at least, nights and weekends vary. However, when you live in a place with nothing to do almost everything has been done before. This leaves me home two weeks, and ready to get back to college. The only problem is the start of the semester is almost 4 months away. Part of the problem is that I want the freedom without the responsibility. I want to be able to do what I want, but not have to worry about paying bills, buying food, etc. It's a reality that doesn't exist. At college the freedom is there, but at home most of the responsibility is taken care of. So I'm thankful for the things my parents do at home, yet I wish that I could have the college freedom and excitement. Basically, I'd rather be in class than at a job. It'd be great if I could transport my friends and family to the college setting. I suppose it's pointless to talk about, still I do...
Maybe it's because I have trouble with change. I get comfortable, and then things end, change pace, get rearranged. It takes a while and then everything feels normal again. But some things are lost, which puzzles me when they're good. Why do meaningful people leave our lives? Not by death but by choice. Sometimes I think I just need to be patient...but when the phone isn't ringing, and is seems like it should be, I don't know what to think. People have to reach their own conclusions, and certain changes seem too difficult. Everyone is tired of being hurt, lied to, mistreated so they withdraw from the world. It's tough to penetrate the shell. Often ulterior motives seem to be the reason for the interest. So it's easier to maintain than to take a chance. Change can be terrifying, disappointing, and once and a while the greatest thing you can ask for. Can we exist to change for the better? I want to improve lives, including my own, not to drag people down. Past mistakes don't prevent change, but passing judgement does. If God can forgive so can we. I can be content, and learn to accept change. Appreciating the stillness is something I forget to do much of the time. The quiet passes me by as the noise drowns out my thoughts. Don't pull away, the change you need could be right around the corner. Sometimes it's a leap of faith, but God won't let you fall. And that will never change. My two weeks notice serves to show how I still come up short. Pampered and spoiled, I think I'll survive. I'll rejoice in the boring and savor it while I can.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Learning?
With another semester over the question becomes: what have I learned? Of course, many correlate learning with the grade received. Unfortunately, this is often a fallacy. Getting an A doesn't mean that you've learned more than in a class where you got a C. In many instances the grade is being seen as more important than the learning. This is hurting the goal college means to accomplish, and is breeding a generation of test-taking paper writers without social skills or real-world experience. Yes, grades do measure some sense of accomplishment, but they do not always measure actual knowledge or skill. As grades are released the head-scratching begins, and many judge their success on an A-F scale.
Last semester, I got two B+ in very different classes. In fact, one was the class which challenged me the most and I learned the most, while the other was the class that was least helpful and I learned little in. However, on a transcript this means nothing. Even though one is in my major while another is a useless general education requirement (disguised as a writing intensive class). If this could be explained to future employers it would mean little, but it can't be so I'm limited to what my transcript shows and my gpa is. This hurts students who challenge themselves, since no reward is given for taking my difficult professors or more intensive classes. As a result, lots of students become solely focused on the grade and not the learning. The result? An attitude that says: "I'd rather get an A and learn nothing than get a B and learn a lot." In a business, results-based, world this is the norm, but college is supposed to stimulate thinking of another kind. If this fails, what hope exists for those who dare to be themselves? I would rather learn than "succeed" on a strictly gpa basis. I'm not saying that straight C's are good, they aren't, but what does a 4.0 mean if you learned nothing? It may get you a good job, but it won't keep it for you if you don't have the skills needed to do the actual work. There are lots of "book-smart" people, who can study for a test, but can't think on their feet, adapt, or interact in a normal way. I'd much rather get a few B's then know I learned nothing and got a meaningless 4.0. To me it would be embarrassing to tell people you got one if you knew it took no effort. Sadly, little figures to change as long as gpa continues to dictate "success." This semester will, once again, not be 4.0 material, but I have learned a good deal. I consider myself fortunate, and believe I'm getting a good education at Pitt. A 4.0 would be nice, but i'm not demoralized by not getting one. Unfortunately, with many more concerned with their future job and pay than learning this will likely continue.
I suppose that this is inevitable, but it doesn't make it any less unfortunate. Still, take what interests you and you'll learn a lot in. The grades will come with the learning, and if they aren't quite at the magic number it's ok. No one said good grades would be easy, but learning isn't either. It, however, is far more rewarding.
Last semester, I got two B+ in very different classes. In fact, one was the class which challenged me the most and I learned the most, while the other was the class that was least helpful and I learned little in. However, on a transcript this means nothing. Even though one is in my major while another is a useless general education requirement (disguised as a writing intensive class). If this could be explained to future employers it would mean little, but it can't be so I'm limited to what my transcript shows and my gpa is. This hurts students who challenge themselves, since no reward is given for taking my difficult professors or more intensive classes. As a result, lots of students become solely focused on the grade and not the learning. The result? An attitude that says: "I'd rather get an A and learn nothing than get a B and learn a lot." In a business, results-based, world this is the norm, but college is supposed to stimulate thinking of another kind. If this fails, what hope exists for those who dare to be themselves? I would rather learn than "succeed" on a strictly gpa basis. I'm not saying that straight C's are good, they aren't, but what does a 4.0 mean if you learned nothing? It may get you a good job, but it won't keep it for you if you don't have the skills needed to do the actual work. There are lots of "book-smart" people, who can study for a test, but can't think on their feet, adapt, or interact in a normal way. I'd much rather get a few B's then know I learned nothing and got a meaningless 4.0. To me it would be embarrassing to tell people you got one if you knew it took no effort. Sadly, little figures to change as long as gpa continues to dictate "success." This semester will, once again, not be 4.0 material, but I have learned a good deal. I consider myself fortunate, and believe I'm getting a good education at Pitt. A 4.0 would be nice, but i'm not demoralized by not getting one. Unfortunately, with many more concerned with their future job and pay than learning this will likely continue.
I suppose that this is inevitable, but it doesn't make it any less unfortunate. Still, take what interests you and you'll learn a lot in. The grades will come with the learning, and if they aren't quite at the magic number it's ok. No one said good grades would be easy, but learning isn't either. It, however, is far more rewarding.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
It's about time
So I've been slacking, with my papers to write and all. Unintentional, and possibly, unavoidable. Anyway, here I am, now a junior. Halfway to there, wherever that is. It's hard to fathom, and harder to understand. I could write a million cliches, and I may, but hopefully I have something meaningful to say. Maybe even something summer can't take away...
People come and go. Believe it or not, but sometimes the timing is too good to be coincidence. I've waited for the unlikely, and then watched the impossible happen. Friends have become lost, only to reappear as friends again. This year I've reconnected with those I haven't spoken to in years. I learned that timing is everything. Even found out that some people like to work, and that I can't change things on my own. Finally I learned that not knowing is ok. I don't know what I want to be, or where I want to go, or anything after the next two years. All I know is that I'll be at Pitt. After that, I'm up for anything. Not concerned with what I'll make, where I'll be living, or if I'll go to grad school, get a job, etc. I'd live in Pittsburgh in a second, but if I don't I'll survive. I don't have a set age when I want to get married (just definitely not while in college), a set number of kids I want to have, or the kind of car I want to drive. No idea what my type is, because I've fallen for: blondes, brunettes, dark hair, even a red head or two. Really any Christian would be great, in all honesty, and everything else could go from there. I've seen a little bit of good in almost everyone I've ever met. Mistakes have been turned into success stories. You're never too far gone for redemption to find you. This summer should prove that, at least I hope it does. Two years seems like a thousand. The respectable have turned into the fools, the fools into the motivated and gifted. It's been hard to watch people walk away, and I haven't replaced some of them. Maybe I won't. Fear is more powerful than most realize, it drives people apart. So to do: lies, greed, lust, pride, and discontent. Everyone is looking for their dreams in all the wrong places. Contentment is the impossible goal, the ghost that lies just out of reach. Somewhere in the noise I stop and shut my eyes.
I have no idea what's going to happen when I graduate in two years. It's hard to comprehend a life on one's own. Don't think I'm ready for the responsibility. I couldn't imagine being married at 22, let alone 20, it seems so young. Not ready to pay the bills, own a apartment/house, pay my own insurance. It's going too fast, and I can't slow it down. I wanna be back on the playground, riding my bike aimlessly, and without a care in the world. I'm tired of confrontation, heartbreak, and seeing broken people in broken situations. I've seen enough mistreatment, cold calculation, and senseless excess. What are we, what am I? Does anything still mean something, anything pure, or are we all broken? I want to trust, without preconditions or fear, and not worry about being hurt. There's no need for the cruelty, the malice, the survival of the fittest killer instinct. We can help each other, can't we? I want to work without thinking about productivity, numbers on a chart, or my pay rate. I need to do things for pure enjoyment, to reclaim my youth, my innocence, some sense of childlike wonder. Can I help without expecting some reward? How about doing things without thinking about how they benefit me? The dream that four years of college can change you, I still have it. This year I've met some amazing people. I wouldn't remove any of them they all occupy a place of importance. Unfortunately, some people have opted to remove themselves, which is out of my control. So I let it go, because I get busy living not dying. I've learned more than I could have ever imagined, and it isn't going to stop anytime soon. But I still feel that I could be doing more, my potential isn't being fully tapped. Thankfully, I've still got two years to go. It starts this summer. I'd love for you to be a part of the ride. For those I know well stay in my life, and for those I don't there's room. My four year goal: to be a better person and impact as many people as I can. It's been an ok start, but I could do better...and I'm trying to.
People come and go. Believe it or not, but sometimes the timing is too good to be coincidence. I've waited for the unlikely, and then watched the impossible happen. Friends have become lost, only to reappear as friends again. This year I've reconnected with those I haven't spoken to in years. I learned that timing is everything. Even found out that some people like to work, and that I can't change things on my own. Finally I learned that not knowing is ok. I don't know what I want to be, or where I want to go, or anything after the next two years. All I know is that I'll be at Pitt. After that, I'm up for anything. Not concerned with what I'll make, where I'll be living, or if I'll go to grad school, get a job, etc. I'd live in Pittsburgh in a second, but if I don't I'll survive. I don't have a set age when I want to get married (just definitely not while in college), a set number of kids I want to have, or the kind of car I want to drive. No idea what my type is, because I've fallen for: blondes, brunettes, dark hair, even a red head or two. Really any Christian would be great, in all honesty, and everything else could go from there. I've seen a little bit of good in almost everyone I've ever met. Mistakes have been turned into success stories. You're never too far gone for redemption to find you. This summer should prove that, at least I hope it does. Two years seems like a thousand. The respectable have turned into the fools, the fools into the motivated and gifted. It's been hard to watch people walk away, and I haven't replaced some of them. Maybe I won't. Fear is more powerful than most realize, it drives people apart. So to do: lies, greed, lust, pride, and discontent. Everyone is looking for their dreams in all the wrong places. Contentment is the impossible goal, the ghost that lies just out of reach. Somewhere in the noise I stop and shut my eyes.
I have no idea what's going to happen when I graduate in two years. It's hard to comprehend a life on one's own. Don't think I'm ready for the responsibility. I couldn't imagine being married at 22, let alone 20, it seems so young. Not ready to pay the bills, own a apartment/house, pay my own insurance. It's going too fast, and I can't slow it down. I wanna be back on the playground, riding my bike aimlessly, and without a care in the world. I'm tired of confrontation, heartbreak, and seeing broken people in broken situations. I've seen enough mistreatment, cold calculation, and senseless excess. What are we, what am I? Does anything still mean something, anything pure, or are we all broken? I want to trust, without preconditions or fear, and not worry about being hurt. There's no need for the cruelty, the malice, the survival of the fittest killer instinct. We can help each other, can't we? I want to work without thinking about productivity, numbers on a chart, or my pay rate. I need to do things for pure enjoyment, to reclaim my youth, my innocence, some sense of childlike wonder. Can I help without expecting some reward? How about doing things without thinking about how they benefit me? The dream that four years of college can change you, I still have it. This year I've met some amazing people. I wouldn't remove any of them they all occupy a place of importance. Unfortunately, some people have opted to remove themselves, which is out of my control. So I let it go, because I get busy living not dying. I've learned more than I could have ever imagined, and it isn't going to stop anytime soon. But I still feel that I could be doing more, my potential isn't being fully tapped. Thankfully, I've still got two years to go. It starts this summer. I'd love for you to be a part of the ride. For those I know well stay in my life, and for those I don't there's room. My four year goal: to be a better person and impact as many people as I can. It's been an ok start, but I could do better...and I'm trying to.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Mistakes happen, so should forgiveness
The posts have been lacking recently, but this one has been coming for a while. In fact, this one may be the most difficult I've ever made. Tomorrow is Easter, and I'm not sure everything will tie in but I'm going to try. The analogies may be slightly off, although I'm not intending to justify actions. However, since I'm neither a judge or jury I hold myself to the same standards. We ALL need forgiveness, which is where I'm going to start.
I'm a sinner, and so are you, and your father, mother, brother, and everyone you've ever made. Mistakes happen. People do things they aren't proud of, and regret them after the fact. I talk before I think, I act before I plan, and I judge without merit. Unfortunately, man has bias toward certain actions. Everyone has a moral relativism that skews their perceptions. An idea that "I've done this," but "I haven't done THAT." Passing judgement is nothing new, but pride goes before a, often hypocritical and embarrassing, fall. We've all heard the stories of the preacher cheating on his wife, the anti-drug crusader with the pain medicine addiction, or the author who makes up his 'autobiography.' Mistakes, yes, but all essentially the same. Sure, certain people hold some things as more severe, but who are they to judge? Let's face it, we all, if left to save ourselves, would be headed for hell. Luckily, our mistakes are washed away and forgiven if we accept Jesus as our savior. Some nails, a cross, and 3 days saved mankind. We got the ultimate second chance without having to do anything. It didn't cost man anything: no money, no jail time, no sacrifice, and certainly not death. Those who believe, regardless of past deeds, have their slates wiped clean. That's right. If you were a murderer, rapist, any other sinner, you can repent ask Jesus to be your savior and you're forgiven. With the idea being that you will turn from your past actions, especially those who have committed crimes, and seek God's will. This does not mean that you won't have to live with the earthly consequences of your actions: jail time, fines, etc. However, in the eyes of the Lord you're just as much a sinner as the pastor, priest, or any other 'spiritual' individual. You've been given a second chance, you're loved, and yes you will still sin. Mistakes never go away, but they can becomes less frequent, severe, and likely to produce massive guilt. Jesus removes the guilt, the shame, and the death. Yes, all men will die, but where you spend eternity is a product of your soul. If you believe in Jesus' death, resurrection, and forgiveness from sins then you'll be 'alive' in Heaven, or if not 'dead' in Hell. Regardless, as long as you're physically alive it's never too late to ask for this eternal life, even if you've made a billion mistakes. Unfortunately, mankind seems incapable of removing stigma, as God does. I think we could, but I think a self-righteous sense of 'morality' gets in the way. A great irony perhaps, considering the way men force women into situations and the expectations they claim not to hold. Why can man not resist the urge to pass judgement and opt instead for understanding? I know I'm not God, and neither is anyone else, but we're suppose to imitate Christ. Most of us do an extremely terrible job, which encourages certain situations and problems to continue to flourish.
Disguised motives harm mankind, maybe more than anything else. This may seem biased in favor of women, but I'm not going to pretend this problem doesn't exist. Men on a routine basis force women into situations that later cause them to be judged. Much of this happens in relationships, the idea that "if you don't do this you don't love me." Not only does this play off fear and a position of power, it also is designed to induce guilt and a desired course of action. Things cut both ways, but mean tend to be more concerned with physical aspects of life. Usually this physical aspect is sex, which men force, either explicitly or through guilt, on women. As a result, many girls get trapped in relationships, because they fear that a guy will leave if they say no. Then when it ends the girl, rightly so, feels used, and is fearful to trust again. To make matters worse, an interesting dichotomy emerges. Some girls stop trying to find 'good' guys, because they feel like they'll be judged by them. While others keep hope, but at the same time continue to fall for the 'love 'em then leave 'em' types. After a while, no one is willing to give anyone a second chance. Forgiveness goes out the window, along with trust, respect, and the rest of what use to be there. Of course guys make the problem worse by being exactly who they're accused of being. It's interesting how guys are encouraged to get with and lie to as many girls as possible, while girls who do the same thing are stigmatized as sluts, whores, or other similar terms. Apparently, mistakes have different meanings, or may not even be mistakes, depending on who they refer to. In addition, to really make things worse many girls aren't offered encouragement, understanding, or the opportunity to change, just judgement and stigma. The cycle carries on, some girls withdraw and trust no one, others keeping trusting and continue to be hurt. Love is replaced by sex, and the idea that you won't get the first without the latter. Girls give in, because everyone is scared they'll die alone. Feeling regret, shame, or disgust comes later, and by then it's too late to take it back. It gets hard to change, because once you start doing something it's difficult to stop. Trust disappears and pain settles in. But there's still hope.
Just as Jesus gave us a second chance, a second life, people deserve a second change. I will not judge, because I'm guilty of judgement myself. One mistake is no more severe than another. Guys need to stop making so many, if they ever want to find a girl. Any guy who forces a girl into something is part of the problem, never part of the solution. True love, care, and devotion come from sacrifice not force or will. Guys who truly care will not force things on girls, they'll respect them and take their own will out of the picture. Those who trust you won't judge you for your past, or assume it'll become your future. Mistakes happen, and it's never too late to change or follow a new path. It's hard to trust again, but it becomes easier when you try to first. We all need rescuing, and Jesus has done that on the cross. Unfortunately, some seem to have forgotten that they aren't perfect. Temptation comes in a multitude of forms, and resisting is never a simple process. But it's possible when we seek to do Jesus' will and not our own. Put your will behind the will of others, we are here to serve not be served. Guys that are all about themselves deserve to be unsatisfied and alone. If a girl says no, a guy should respect that regardless of his will. Disguised motives will shine through when given time. Honesty should be fundamental, not a courtesy or something that has to be asked for. I make my own share of mistakes. All I ask is that someone can accept my own faults and weaknesses. I won't judge you, if you don't judge me. This is how things should be. Girls deserve a higher standard of guy, who won't treat them like property, a conquest, or complete crap. We should be something worth trusting, that won't judge, and isn't looking just to 'score.' Everybody needs a second chance, a little bit of love, and some honest compassion. Girls don't give up, there are guys out there, yes they're real, that can restore your trust. If God can save us, the most undeserving beings, then we can give our own a second chance. Happy Easter everybody!
I'm a sinner, and so are you, and your father, mother, brother, and everyone you've ever made. Mistakes happen. People do things they aren't proud of, and regret them after the fact. I talk before I think, I act before I plan, and I judge without merit. Unfortunately, man has bias toward certain actions. Everyone has a moral relativism that skews their perceptions. An idea that "I've done this," but "I haven't done THAT." Passing judgement is nothing new, but pride goes before a, often hypocritical and embarrassing, fall. We've all heard the stories of the preacher cheating on his wife, the anti-drug crusader with the pain medicine addiction, or the author who makes up his 'autobiography.' Mistakes, yes, but all essentially the same. Sure, certain people hold some things as more severe, but who are they to judge? Let's face it, we all, if left to save ourselves, would be headed for hell. Luckily, our mistakes are washed away and forgiven if we accept Jesus as our savior. Some nails, a cross, and 3 days saved mankind. We got the ultimate second chance without having to do anything. It didn't cost man anything: no money, no jail time, no sacrifice, and certainly not death. Those who believe, regardless of past deeds, have their slates wiped clean. That's right. If you were a murderer, rapist, any other sinner, you can repent ask Jesus to be your savior and you're forgiven. With the idea being that you will turn from your past actions, especially those who have committed crimes, and seek God's will. This does not mean that you won't have to live with the earthly consequences of your actions: jail time, fines, etc. However, in the eyes of the Lord you're just as much a sinner as the pastor, priest, or any other 'spiritual' individual. You've been given a second chance, you're loved, and yes you will still sin. Mistakes never go away, but they can becomes less frequent, severe, and likely to produce massive guilt. Jesus removes the guilt, the shame, and the death. Yes, all men will die, but where you spend eternity is a product of your soul. If you believe in Jesus' death, resurrection, and forgiveness from sins then you'll be 'alive' in Heaven, or if not 'dead' in Hell. Regardless, as long as you're physically alive it's never too late to ask for this eternal life, even if you've made a billion mistakes. Unfortunately, mankind seems incapable of removing stigma, as God does. I think we could, but I think a self-righteous sense of 'morality' gets in the way. A great irony perhaps, considering the way men force women into situations and the expectations they claim not to hold. Why can man not resist the urge to pass judgement and opt instead for understanding? I know I'm not God, and neither is anyone else, but we're suppose to imitate Christ. Most of us do an extremely terrible job, which encourages certain situations and problems to continue to flourish.
Disguised motives harm mankind, maybe more than anything else. This may seem biased in favor of women, but I'm not going to pretend this problem doesn't exist. Men on a routine basis force women into situations that later cause them to be judged. Much of this happens in relationships, the idea that "if you don't do this you don't love me." Not only does this play off fear and a position of power, it also is designed to induce guilt and a desired course of action. Things cut both ways, but mean tend to be more concerned with physical aspects of life. Usually this physical aspect is sex, which men force, either explicitly or through guilt, on women. As a result, many girls get trapped in relationships, because they fear that a guy will leave if they say no. Then when it ends the girl, rightly so, feels used, and is fearful to trust again. To make matters worse, an interesting dichotomy emerges. Some girls stop trying to find 'good' guys, because they feel like they'll be judged by them. While others keep hope, but at the same time continue to fall for the 'love 'em then leave 'em' types. After a while, no one is willing to give anyone a second chance. Forgiveness goes out the window, along with trust, respect, and the rest of what use to be there. Of course guys make the problem worse by being exactly who they're accused of being. It's interesting how guys are encouraged to get with and lie to as many girls as possible, while girls who do the same thing are stigmatized as sluts, whores, or other similar terms. Apparently, mistakes have different meanings, or may not even be mistakes, depending on who they refer to. In addition, to really make things worse many girls aren't offered encouragement, understanding, or the opportunity to change, just judgement and stigma. The cycle carries on, some girls withdraw and trust no one, others keeping trusting and continue to be hurt. Love is replaced by sex, and the idea that you won't get the first without the latter. Girls give in, because everyone is scared they'll die alone. Feeling regret, shame, or disgust comes later, and by then it's too late to take it back. It gets hard to change, because once you start doing something it's difficult to stop. Trust disappears and pain settles in. But there's still hope.
Just as Jesus gave us a second chance, a second life, people deserve a second change. I will not judge, because I'm guilty of judgement myself. One mistake is no more severe than another. Guys need to stop making so many, if they ever want to find a girl. Any guy who forces a girl into something is part of the problem, never part of the solution. True love, care, and devotion come from sacrifice not force or will. Guys who truly care will not force things on girls, they'll respect them and take their own will out of the picture. Those who trust you won't judge you for your past, or assume it'll become your future. Mistakes happen, and it's never too late to change or follow a new path. It's hard to trust again, but it becomes easier when you try to first. We all need rescuing, and Jesus has done that on the cross. Unfortunately, some seem to have forgotten that they aren't perfect. Temptation comes in a multitude of forms, and resisting is never a simple process. But it's possible when we seek to do Jesus' will and not our own. Put your will behind the will of others, we are here to serve not be served. Guys that are all about themselves deserve to be unsatisfied and alone. If a girl says no, a guy should respect that regardless of his will. Disguised motives will shine through when given time. Honesty should be fundamental, not a courtesy or something that has to be asked for. I make my own share of mistakes. All I ask is that someone can accept my own faults and weaknesses. I won't judge you, if you don't judge me. This is how things should be. Girls deserve a higher standard of guy, who won't treat them like property, a conquest, or complete crap. We should be something worth trusting, that won't judge, and isn't looking just to 'score.' Everybody needs a second chance, a little bit of love, and some honest compassion. Girls don't give up, there are guys out there, yes they're real, that can restore your trust. If God can save us, the most undeserving beings, then we can give our own a second chance. Happy Easter everybody!
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