Tuesday, December 31, 2013

So this is the new year. And I don't feel any different.

Every year New Year's Eve rolls around, and this is usually my sentiment. Actually. it's somewhat closer to a lyric from one of my favorite lyricists, Travis Morrison, from one of my favorite bands: the Dismemberment Plan. "Pop open a bottle of bubbly…yeah. Here’s to another goddamn new year." My apologies for the language. However, I think this mindset surrounding the change from the current year to a new one is fairly common. Still, why is it often overwhelmingly negative? I don't really believe that any particular new year is destined to be worse than the last. Ultimately, I think there are lots of acts, events, and happenings in a given year well beyond our control. Therefore, making the best of the situations we encounter and our mindsets determine how well we deal with the 365 day period that constitutes a year. And suddenly, this year, I turned 25 and things do actually feel different. 

I can't really explain why it feels different, it just does. Some of it may be a change in mindset. Whatever the reason, I have an excitement for 2014 that I haven't had for previous years. 2013 has been a fairly trying year, but it didn't bring anything that unexpected. Certains events went extremely well, while others did not go well at all. I suppose these variations to our routines and habits are necessary to keep us from going insane. They force us to adapt, learn, and trust when things are beyond our control. Learning to accept this is, I believe, one way to measure maturity. And maybe, I have been doing a better job learning to accept this and maturing in the process. I will most likely be leaving Pennsylvania at some point during the year, and that uncertainty is somewhat unnerving. However, with that uncertainty, there is a certain amount of excitement as well. I know that God has a plan for me in 2014. I know I may not like it, it may be difficult, and it may force me to change--but it's right. More importantly, trying to control this plan is utterly futile and impossible. I just have to let it happen in God's time, not mine. 

Friends have gotten married, had children, and started their 'adult' lives. It's easy for me to feel like I'm missing out, until I actually contemplate what it would look like for me to be in their shoes. The reality is I'm not ready for it, quite yet. However, I know that things will work out when I'm ready. I believe that I'm ready for grad school, and that's my plan, but God may have other things in mind. Ultimately, I need to be open to what is put before me. It can be tough to do, especially when it doesn't jive with my plans. Even so, if I believe God has my best interests in mind choosing not to follow His plan is complete folly. Keeping an open mind and remaining optimistic is the best way to truly embrace this. For that reason, I will be taking chances this year and trusting God to carry me through the blind spots and tough times. He will too.

So this is the new year. But I do feel different, and that makes all the difference. Hope your 2014 starts off well!