Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Two weeks notice

Not quite two weeks, but it's close enough. Obviously college has to end, and summer break is a welcome time off, still it all feels so boring. I love my family, friends, and being at home. However, I can't take the down time. I'm guessing that I'm not alone.

Summer is, held by most as, the greatest time of the year. The weather is superb, lots of awesome outdoor activities, and everybody is more relaxed than usual. Still, something is missing. College brings spontaneity that being at home usually doesn't. The freedom is missing, it's there to some degree but a house is a little different than a dorm. Parents have jobs and so do friends. Unfortunately, my summer job functions as a way to kill time/make some money for school. As a result, my days are occupied and the nights end early so I can get up the next day. I guess this is unavoidable, but it seems extremely monotonous and dull. Sure, classes become a predictable routine, but, at least, nights and weekends vary. However, when you live in a place with nothing to do almost everything has been done before. This leaves me home two weeks, and ready to get back to college. The only problem is the start of the semester is almost 4 months away. Part of the problem is that I want the freedom without the responsibility. I want to be able to do what I want, but not have to worry about paying bills, buying food, etc. It's a reality that doesn't exist. At college the freedom is there, but at home most of the responsibility is taken care of. So I'm thankful for the things my parents do at home, yet I wish that I could have the college freedom and excitement. Basically, I'd rather be in class than at a job. It'd be great if I could transport my friends and family to the college setting. I suppose it's pointless to talk about, still I do...

Maybe it's because I have trouble with change. I get comfortable, and then things end, change pace, get rearranged. It takes a while and then everything feels normal again. But some things are lost, which puzzles me when they're good. Why do meaningful people leave our lives? Not by death but by choice. Sometimes I think I just need to be patient...but when the phone isn't ringing, and is seems like it should be, I don't know what to think. People have to reach their own conclusions, and certain changes seem too difficult. Everyone is tired of being hurt, lied to, mistreated so they withdraw from the world. It's tough to penetrate the shell. Often ulterior motives seem to be the reason for the interest. So it's easier to maintain than to take a chance. Change can be terrifying, disappointing, and once and a while the greatest thing you can ask for. Can we exist to change for the better? I want to improve lives, including my own, not to drag people down. Past mistakes don't prevent change, but passing judgement does. If God can forgive so can we. I can be content, and learn to accept change. Appreciating the stillness is something I forget to do much of the time. The quiet passes me by as the noise drowns out my thoughts. Don't pull away, the change you need could be right around the corner. Sometimes it's a leap of faith, but God won't let you fall. And that will never change. My two weeks notice serves to show how I still come up short. Pampered and spoiled, I think I'll survive. I'll rejoice in the boring and savor it while I can.