Sunday, February 20, 2011

So here's the truth

Now seemed as appropriate a time as any to finally post something else on here. I always accuse people of not saying what they mean, and doing things out of guilt rather than choice. The constant call of "tell the truth" comes from my lips. So here's the truth, the past 4 years for me have been entirely about me. I've done my best to only do things that I wanted to do, when I wanted to do them, and for my own benefit. In addition, I've believed that those who did things differently than me, or thought differently, should change the way they do things or were wrong. Essentially, I've wanted everyone to be like me, do things like me, and adopt my ways of thinking. And what has that gotten me? Nothing. Then why do I stubbornly refuse to change? I have no idea. But I do know that it needs to. I want to stop feeling sneering bitterness towards others in their happiness, and projecting mocking sarcasm at most of the world. From this point on, I will try my hardest to see things in another light and act differently. I will resolve to look forward, and do things for others rather than myself. It's hard for me to relinquish control, but I definitely need to. Responsibility is something I want, for myself and others. So here's the truth, this is an apology. Friends you've deserved better than I've delivered. And I don't deserve another chance, but I'm asking for one anyways. Because I'm sick of regrets and I don't want anymore than I already have. I'm not content just to live, I want to be fully alive. Here's to holding nothing back, come what may. This could get uncomfortable. For everyone.